…And There You Were

Love comes in

from unexpected places.

I never saw you coming,

for example.

You careened

across my sky

and blinded me.

Your smile

is 10,000 watts

and powered by humor.

(Something tells me

your smile will last forever.)

Your heartbeat

which was always faster,

finally slowed

to meet mine.

You shot up.

(I didn’t.)

And now you tower over me.

Strange as it may seem,

I don’t feel small.

I feel safe and welcomed

and desired.

(That last one surprised me.)

We synced up.

Somehow.

(Helps that we also grew up.)

And now here we are:

balanced on this beam

waiting for the other to fall.

I would say you should lead,

but I have this feeling

that you need me

to light the way.

So I’ll jump first.

Take that first leap.

Take that first step.

Warm up the waters for you.

And I’ll catch you.

It won’t be pleasant.

I’m not very experienced at this.

(You’re also bigger than I am.)

But I’ll do my best:

to love you,

to care for you,

to give you some of my strength,

to believe in the possibility of us.

Because as surprising as this may seem:

I think we can make it.

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To Love a Woman

He’s going to be male about it.

He wants her.

He needs her.

He’s totally into her.

Everything about her.

He’s sure it’s not right –

the way he thinks about her:

as his.

But he can’t help it.

She surprised him.

He wasn’t expecting her.

(The last one didn’t end well

and he wasn’t looking.

Didn’t even want one.)

But he looked up one day

and…there she was.

An angel in a pink cardigan.

At first,

it was just her looks:

her smile,

her eyes,

the way she carries herself.

Then the little things started:

her laughing at his jokes.

Her being comfy around him.

He noticed the blushes

and the slight difference

in how she treated him.

He finds he thinks

about how to surprise her.

And how to make her laugh.

He soaks up her personal stories.

Her secrets.

He shouldn’t be this attracted to her.

Does she feel the same?

It’s hard to tell.

But he thinks so.

He hopes so.

Because she’s

Sexy.

Funny.

Awkward as fuck.

Intelligent.

Doesn’t take his bullshit.

Strong.

Beautiful.

God he wants her.

In his bed.

On his arm.

In his life.

Is it possible to get addicted to a person?

Because he’s hooked.

He has a feeling that kissing

her would kill him.

Overdose.

But what a way to go.

If she’s as intense in love

as she is when she’s living

he can only imagine

being loved by her.

An Ode to Being an Adult:

Adulting is hard.

I mean, I never thought it would be easy.

But it’s hard. Like: I’m just gonna curl up under the covers and pretend the world doesn’t exist, hard.

I feel constantly “on.” As if I let the ball drop, I will really fuck shit up.

I have a laundry list of things I have to remember: did I turn off the shower? Did I lock the door? Did I leave windows open? Is it going to rain? When was the last time I changed the sheets on my bed? That means I should probably change them…Do I have food for the week? What do I want to eat? Shit. Do I have money in my bank account?

This is a constant stream in my head. It doesn’t stop. I lay down at the end of the day and pass out because my brain needs to just not think anymore.

And when I leave the safety of my four walls, I face a whole new list of issues.

Is what I’m wearing ok for work? Does it match? Did I wear the right coat? No. Fuck. I don’t have time to change. Have I gotten my mail in the last few days? Did I pay my credit card bill? Is it Friday yet?

It. Just. Doesn’t. Stop.

And when I do get some time to think about other things, I entertain myself by thinking of the future.

I know how to have a really good time.

I constantly wonder how people my age have kids. I can barely keep plants alive. How do they care for another living thing? This is a legit question I need answered. I need to know how it’s done so that when I graduate to an actual human, I know I won’t damage it.

And how did they manage to get married? Aren’t weddings bitching expensive? What about student loans? Aren’t you drowning like the rest of us? How did you manage to date someone between worrying about eating right and not settling for an apple with peanut butter? And how did you know they were the right person? I thought I knew who I was before I lived on my own. Now I’m learning that I’m way more neurotic than I originally thought.

People who think adulting is all partying and take out need to think again. Life is expensive. Seriously. If my apartment building could figure out how to charge me for the oxygen I breathe, they would. Nothing is free. I study prices and base decisions on what I need, want and feel like, on those prices.

I also find that cheap things are fine. Because they are cheap. And who needs a $12 drink anyway, when a $5 beer will also take the edge off a really long week?

There are days, I won’t lie, when I dream of being 4 years old again. When my biggest worry was…actually, I don’t remember worrying about anything when I was 4. What I remember about being 4 is this: I had fun. I took naps. Things were provided for me. And I didn’t appreciate any of it enough.

Being in college is supposed to prepare you for adulting. But being in college is nothing like adulting. Just like those courses you took in high school don’t actually prepare you for a real college class. (YOU ARE BEING LIED TOO. DO NOT BELIEVE THEM.)

Some of my adult friends (weird thing to say, but it’s true) miss college. And I thought I would too. But I really really do not miss college. I miss certain things about college, like being introduced to new books or lectures. But I also found out that I could learn about those things on my own with the handy tool I like to call Google.

Seriously, Google is the thing that makes me seem as smart and magical as I am.

I figure one day I will get a handle on being an adult. One day I won’t worry about prices and one day I will figure out how budgeting actually works. One day. Not today. No. Today I am going to ignore the fact that I need to do laundry and I’m going to go explore my new city. Because I can make those decisions now. Because I am an adult.

 

Just trying to make it on her own:

Katie

Dead Magic, An Ingenious Mechanical Devices novel

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Dead Magic is a superb read. Mostly because it doesn’t stop moving once you start it.

Kara Jorgensen decided with her fourth novel to revisit characters she’s already told one story for. Emmeline and Immanuel were last seen in The Winter Garden, but in Dead Magic, Jorgensen fleshes them out a little more and explores what comes after a life changing event.

Dead Magic is different from the ones that came before, at least for me, because it was more…thrilling. There were parts that had my heart racing because I had to know what happened next. The pacing was faster and drew me in more quickly. Jorgensen’s novels have always had an air of mystery about them, but this one really kept me guessing until the end.

What I like about Jorgensen’s steam punk novels is not only that they mix past, present and future with a little science fiction, but that they deal with timely social issues. Immanuel and Adam’s love story is one that you would think and hope doesn’t resonate today: two people of the same sex hiding their feelings for fear of what society has to say. But it’s still true. There are people today who hide what they feel and who they love because there are those who tell them what they feel and who they love isn’t right. And Jorgensen captures the confusing thoughts and feelings, the stress of having to check everything one says, and the anguish at “being single” even though one is in a committed relationship really well.

 

She makes it normal – which it is – and that’s something society sorely needs.

Her female characters are also very real. Society tells writers to create female characters that are strong because strong female characters are sorely lacking. But I like the argument that tells authors to make real women. Real women aren’t always strong; sometimes they are weak. Real women aren’t always right; sometimes they make poor judgments and deserve to be told they’re wrong. Real women make mistakes and real women need help. Real women also want to fall in love and have someone fall in love with them. Emmeline is just such a character. She’s real. She’s not perfect. She makes mistakes. You don’t always like her. And for me, reading a female character that is flawed, but still tries, is more important than a strong female character. Because flaws are what make us stronger.

I recommend Jorgensen’s novels for the entertainment, yes, but also because they offer so much more. And that’s what novels should do.

The Earl and The Artificer, An Ingenious Mechanical Devices novel

The Earl and The Artificer by Kara Jorgensen

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Where to begin? The Earl and The Artificer is Kara Jorgensen’s third Ingenious Mechanical Devices novel and she successfully brings it once again. Jorgensen weaves together a tale of science fiction, history and mystery, and brings to life characters that are painfully real. Reading these books is a wonderful experience because Jorgensen doesn’t conform to literary conventions. She simply wants to tell a really good story. And with the Ingenious Mechanical Devices series, she’s managing to do just that.

The Earl and The Artificer finds Eilian and Hadley married and on their honeymoon. The scene is set in a time and place that brings to mind BBC’s Downton Abbey, but with more adventure and intrigue (at least in my opinion). Eilian and Hadley are trying to navigate their new stations in society without bothering the other with their troubles. And to add to their already full plate, they find themselves in the middle of a small town scandal and family drama.

The thing about Jorgensen’s writing, apart from the fact that it’s so unique, is that she writes her characters so well. Eilian is fighting the rules that come with his new title (something he really never wanted) and exploring his sexuality – something that most male characters never explore. It is taken for granted that humans feel the same things emotionally. The reality is, we don’t, and minorities are still under represented in every facet of entertainment today. Except in Jorgensen’s novels. She doesn’t seem to mind exploring new territory for her characters. She digs deep and explores the reasons why her characters are the way they are.

Hadley is my favorite character by far. I like that she’s not some Victoria’s Secret model – that she’s kind of plain looking, but beautiful to Eilian because of her courage, strength and head strong attitude. I also like that she’s an engineer; that she’s smart and capable of keeping pace in a man’s world. More and more, we are finding strong female characters in entertainment, but the thing about Jorgensen’s Hadley is that she is also a little unsure and weak, and Jorgensen allows us to see that side of Hadley’s character. Hadley is dealing with the insecurities that every woman faces at least once at some point in her life.

While we don’t see Adam and Immanuel in this novel, we are introduced to another well rounded male character – Nadir. I could see Nadir popping up in another novel somewhere along the line mostly because he has so much personality and there are so many corners to his story that Jorgensen left unexplored.

I do wish, and hope, that Eilian’s family drama will be explored a little more later on. I was intrigued by the character Randall Nash, and felt that his personality and actions were unexplained. Jorgensen does leave Eilian in the midst of working out his complicated place in his family, so maybe she plans to delve a little deeper later on. This reader certainly hopes so, if only because she’s curious and a bit nosy.

The Earl and The Artificer is a strong third installment to Jorgensen’s list of titles. She paints an easy-to-follow story, but manages to keep you guessing until the end. Her vocabulary is strong and colorful. Her characters are vibrant and relatable. Her imagination is fascinating. I totally enjoyed this book. It made my commute to work a lot more enjoyable. And I look forward to whatever Jorgensen has planned for the future.

The Earl and The Artificer, Ingenious Mechanical Devices novel will be available on Amazon on January 30, 2016.

Prince Charming is Hiding. He Can Stop That Nonsense.

you can come out now!
i’m done playing!
really.
i’m serious.
game’s over.
you won.
you held out the longest.
i admit defeat.
where are you?
why won’t you come out?
do i seriously have to keep waiting?
keep playing?
ugh.
not cool, man.
other people have stopped playing,
stopped waiting.
they’ve moved on with their lives.
why must you keep me waiting?
do i really have to keep looking for you?
waiting for you?
i’ll take your silence as a yes.
i hope you know that i hate you.
(not really, but kinda).
(mostly because you’re making me wait).
(and i’m not good at waiting).
tell me again how long Sleeping Beauty had to wait?
wait – i don’t want to know,
it will just make it harder
to wait.
i’m just gonna keep doing my own thing.
hope that’s ok.
can’t stop living, Prince Charming,
just because you
are taking
your sweet ass time
getting your shit together.
i hope you know
that when you finally show up,
i’m gonna kick your ass,
for making me wait.
don’t you know you should never keep a lady waiting?
oh, who am i kidding?
i’m no lady.
i’m the damn queen.
so get it together man.
because i can’t promise
that i’ll still be here.
and bring chocolate.
ain’t nobody got time for damn flowers.